I''m currently knitting a scarf for my knitted bear. hehe still so proud about it.

The scarf is going to be blue and white.Was checking youtube and found PJsurfs. seems quite nice.

FEELING BETTER!

yep, I'm feeling better,
Much....much
better.

Just came back from watching a funny movie called "John Tucker Must Die". check Idmb and realized jesse metcalfe is 28. and brittany snow is only 20. not like 28 is super old but 8 years?

Anyway there are 2 main things I have to do now.
1. Clean up my room. (It's such a pigsty!!!)
2. Exercise more and sleep earlier and get MORE QUALITY +QUANTITY of sleep.

i guess that's not really 2 main things. I finished knitting my bear's legs and hat! quite happy with the way it turned out, Because I did it without any pattern and it turn out better than expected. :D

How to sleep earlier?
I need more will power+ discipline. It's so hard. But so beneficial. I want to be a healthy girl.

Oh and the CF is finally starting to come together. My friend's going to help write the petition letter for our school's Christian Fellowship and we're going to get signatures. I'm glad things are really starting now.There is so many things I have kinda planned when CF really starts. Prayer is really needed!

I'm feeling fake now. oh man. horrid. horrid.
Okay

I'll try to be happy. erm. Im finally sleeping earlier today. :D
and erm...ahahha I'm not tied down to choir. Besides. I know God loves me. lots lots. :)

well.
dunno. still feel kinda holey in the heart.

happiness don't come fast.

welll

see ya

no matter waht God loves everyone :)

MAYBE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LISTEN!

that's my conclusion...overdrawn bank account (as in all used up) and under-listened-to person.

I guess.

Or just somehow fallen into self pity without me looking. Or on purpose.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

I'll go and disappear for a while.

I need a friend. Oh My, how sad that sounds. like I'm some. weirdo. sigh.

oh, I knitted a bear. :) my own pattern. it's not exactly done. but looks less remote to a bear. if you get what I mean. what with the new ears and hand and stuff...

Sometimes I feel like a vending machine. Only you don't need money to use me.
and what I "vent" out is friendly conversations, consolations, advice. what I don't vent out is true feelings and just plain how I feel at that time.

okay, maybe I'm not as sad as that. Maybe I hsouldn't wallow in self pity. But honestly, at the moment I just feel pretty used up. Like, I'm being the friend and all, but no one's being the friend to me. I don't know why I feel this? Am I just plain ignorant of my nice friends? Are my eyes so blind to nice affections? Or even worse, am I PURPOSELY supressing the feelings? or knowingly( somehow unknowingly at the same time) being a doormat?

How do I explain myself? I JUST FEEL SO USED! I feel like some underpaid counsellor (not underpaid, NEVERpaid) half the time.Somehow, I seem approachable to people. Maybe it's because I make this huge effort to be nice, maybe it's just me. and maybe I just listen more than the average person.

UGH HOW SELF PITYING IS THIS?

i think I 'm too sensitive. People's problems affect my life. alot. So I try not to be affected. But how? if they keep coming? If I worry, and for some reason feel compassion for people? okay, I have no idea what I'm saying anymore.


I'll come back when I feel better.

It's as if I either I scold myself or I blow at everyone. Or both. Why can't I just control myself?

Lately, it's been getting more and more serious. for me anyway. But I'm sure the rate I get angry can be shocking. But I DO NOT want to be this way. It's tiring. And it doesn't help anything!Maybe today I've stopped a few snide comments and stuff. But it seems as if the more I try to repress it, the more I feel worse, it's as if it increases my chances of getting horribly angry.

in fact, i''m getting ruder too.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

:"(

Help. I need to pray alot about this.

Basically, there is alot of things I want to do but at the moment it's these few things:

Be a nicer person.
Actually get homework done on the day they were given and hand them up on time.
Read the bible, more and properly.
Pray more.
Try to be not so bad tempered.
Walk Pepper more
Write a song that's really really nice, and not depressing but inspiring
Play the piano more
Sing better
Write at least the 1st chapter of my own book

welll.. I'll be back when I can get any of this done hehe

the thing is I'm single. and I plan to be till I'm wise enough (so-called).

So when one of my friends start to well--pair off, couple,have another half, "complete themselves"(I don't believe in this btw, I think that you are already a complete person, the other person complements.Contrary to what popular songs like to proclaim), basically get a boy/girlfriend, there starts this BIG Change.. which seems to happen to alot of people my age.

1. Constant talking about their other half(OH)
2. Your special friend status is reduced significantly.
3. You become their free personal counsellor. (This is different from the normal friend counselling thing, This is what you become with the added boy/girlfriend problems)

And honestly it can be really annoying. Sure, I'll be happy for a day or so. or semi happy most of the time. But when that friend was the person you turned to alot, you start to feel neglected.

So maybe that's what I'm feeling now. neglected. Temporary Abandonment.

Hi :)
I'm a normal teenage girl.
Nope I don't have super powers
I'm a christian
I talk alot.
think alot.

This isnt my first blog. and probably not going to be the last. But the reason why I made this one. Is to I don't know. start anew?It's probably the same with all those email accounts I made.

But basically I'm gonna blog(read: ramble and mumble) on most anything e.g. school. likes dislikes yaddaaaa...
so read on if you wanna :D

Joanna
nus arts
psalm 27:4


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